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Mr. Sprocket
I was looking at your site and was reading your Mr Sprocket column.  I have a question...Several times you mention "Duck Tape"  Is that a southern term that is lost on us northerners?  Around these parts we call it duct tape.  Am I living in ignorance being from the north?  Confused

Dear Confused
Oh, you of little worldly experience.  Duck tape has been around for a long time.  Once thought to have been "coined" by a famous local TV personality, Sticky Kridelhopper, who hosted a "How to" outdoor show in Alabama; when he used the term to describe the process of securing duck decoys to the side of hunting blinds.  But on further research, I find that Duck Tape was around long before old Sticky ever thought of taping decoys.  If you check out www.ducktape.com, you'll find the entire history of Duck Tape.  According to accurate history accounts, Duck Tape was used by Noah to plug holes in the ark caused by the 2 woodpeckers that were on board, it helped secure Michelangelo to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel while he painted, and was even used to keep the hordes out of China (This use was later abandoned when they decided to build the Great Wall).  This site proves that Duck Tape was here long before anyone invented "ducts."  But I'm glad you asked this question, because before I checked out this site, I just thought Yankees couldn't spell duck.  Sprocket.    

Mr. Sprocket
I'm new to cycling and would like you to find me a good route to ride from Kunsan AB Korea back to the US.  Do you have any suggestions?  I'm willing to strap my bike to a raft and pedal across the ocean.  Homesick

Dear Homesick
That's the only thing I can think of right now.  This I got to see.  But since you are new to cycling, you must be confusing this sport with kayaking...in which case, you should talk to "Ima Kraze" on my competitor's site.  Sprocket

Mr. Sprocket 
I have been cyclist before riding was cool (1973). My girl (Lady, Woman, Hotty) has been riding for about eight years. We currently ride a trek 100 tandem and are planning to upgrade to a Meridian Ascension.  My squeeze is 5'8" tall, myself 6'0"and even though I out weight her by 100#, she captains and I stoke. This arrangement allows me to concentrate on peddling and also a fine view of her back side.  This has a dangling carrot effect on me resulting in a two to three mile an hour increase.  My question is, will we be ridiculed in tandem society with the seating arrangement that we have?  A Follower

Dear Follower
Seems to me you've got the best of all worlds...you have a great view, you ride faster than you would if you were riding alone, and you are not afraid to let out your more "gentle side."  Now you may be ridiculed from the "tandem society," but in actuality, they are just jealous they don't have the view you do.  If it floats your boat, don't worry and be happy.  Just don't ever let her have the remote to the TV or you'll really be the talk of the town.  Happy cycling...Sprocket  

Dear Mr  Sprocket
I would like to know if it's possible that my bicycle is making a funny noise that is attracting dogs. In the past 2 weeks it use to be one dog at a time, but today the numbers are growing into what I would refer to as a herd. Any suggestions?  Hounded

Dear Hounded
Yes, I've heard of dogs...but let me say, buffalo run in herds, dogs run in packs.  It sounds like word is getting around in the dog world that you are an easy target...and you announce your arrival by not keeping your bike in top shape.  Aside from that, dogs are mostly attracted by noises that we can't hear...if we can hear it, dogs usually ignore it...unless they know there might be a good meal to gnaw on.  The noise may be their signal for an easy catch...dogs are attracted to the slowest rider in the group...you know, the straggler...it's survival of the fittest out there on the road especially around a hungry "herd" of dogs.  Remember to ride with someone slower than yourself, but realize when you are selecting a slower riding partner, they may be faster than you think if a pack of dogs are chasing them.  My advice to you is ride faster and be quiet.  Sprocket  :-)

Dear Mr Sprocket
We've all read about the nasty things that bike seats can do to sexual function.  When I read how Dr Goldstein claimed that there were two kinds of riders: those that are impotent and those that will be impotent.  Like many, I dismissed these claims as exaggerated and continued riding.  I still believe the risk is relatively low, but I was one of the unfortunates.  I'm 41 years old and been riding seriously for about 15 years with no problems until this year.  Having read all the scary stats on this situation, I stopped riding immediately.  With renewed hope, I installed a new seat and began riding again.  To my dismay, if I ride over an hour the problem recurs.  Do you have any advice in this matter?  Will I ever "ride" again?  Discouraged.

Dear Discouraged
My question to you is: What's more important...riding or sex?  A good ride is better than sex any day!  That's why someone invented cycling...to take the place of sex when we got to be in our 40s!  Now, for those of us who feel we must hang on to our youthful practices, I see no reason we can't enjoy both.  On the other hand, Dr Goldstein is pretty much right...whether we ride a bicycle or not, it's likely every man in the world will be impotent eventually.  By the time most of us get to 105 years old, lots of things won't work like they did when we were younger.  My advice would be to stop riding until the problem goes away then check your position on your bike very carefully.  Check seat height, set back, and tilt plus the stem length and height compared to the seat.  If any of these positions are out of whack, it can affect pressure on your vitals.  If you are sitting on your bike seat correctly (on the wide part with the sit bones vs the narrow part with your narrow parts) you should be able to ride without any adverse side affects.  This is where sex and riding a bike have a lot in common...performance is directly affected by the position on the object in question.  Good luck.  Sprocket
 

Dear Mr. Sprocket
I want to race.  How fast do I need to average on a 40 mile club ride to be able to race?  Itchin' to race

Dear Itchin'
About 37 MPH should do it.  Sprocket

Dear Mr. Sprocket
All my friends are talking about how light their bikes are and that the lighter the better concerning speed.  I'm always looking for an advantage and money is no object!  What's the lightest components I can buy to make me competitive?  I have plenty of power (I'm 5'9" and weigh 245) but I think I need a lighter bike to keep up with the hammers in the club when they hit the hills.  What exercises do you recommend to supplement the lighter bike?  Climber

Dear Climber
The best exercise you can do...push ups.  This will build the muscles necessary to push yourself away from the table sooner.  Don't worry about a lighter bike until you've had a chance to benefit from the aforementioned exercises.  I know you said money was no object, but it costs about $800 a pound to lighten the bike any under 20 pounds .  In your case you would save much more than that in food cost alone if you would dedicate to a diet and lose about 20-30 pounds.  Don't even think about light bikes yet...they won't support you very long before they would break under the stress.  When you get to be a lean 155 pounds you can buy a light bike, but then you won't need one as you'll already be hammering your riding buddies into the ground.  Sprocket

Dear Mr. Sprocket
What's the fastest bike I can buy.  I'm wanting to compete...I need a worthy steed!   Speed Demon

Dear Demon
What's the fastest bike?  Depends on who's riding it.  Even a Wal Mart Huffy goes fast if Lance is pedaling.  It's like buying a fast car...look under the hood and evaluate the engine.  Good luck.  Sprocket

Dear Mr. Sprocket
A friend of mine says he gained weight on a cross country ride last year.  I can't believe that you can gain weight if you are burning 6000 calories a day!  What's the story?  Skeptical

Dear Skeptical
A cross country bike ride is one of the best ways to see the country and to lose weight there is.  The secret is not to eat 6001 calories a day.  Sprocket

Dear Mr. Sprocket
My friend is a cyclist and occasionally mentions the term "Road Kill."  He jokes that he has had some wonderful cuisine while riding along the back roads of Kentucky.  He can't be serious...can he?  Rolaids

Dear Rolaids
He's probably serious as a heart attack and the menu is endless!  I've seen everything from field mice to buffalo...my personal favorite here in the south is armadillo which locals describe as "possum on the half shell."    I can identify with your friend as I personally have been so hungry while riding the back roads of America that I've rejoiced in finding compressed groceries.  The two best times to feast on roadside rations is when it is still warm or when it's so old that it's basically hard and dry.  Most cyclists use the "2 rule."  If it's less than 2 hours since becoming squashed on the street it's probably still warm and well within the consumption window.  On the other end of the scale, if it's older than 2 weeks it's had time to bake into the jerky state, the flies have given up on it, and it is safe to consume within 10 miles of a hospital if you consume with plenty of liquids.  So the next time you are in need of some happy chow while driving or riding your bike along the highway and you see a freshly squashed squirrel, try it.  You might like it!  Then go to your local network TV station and sign up for the next episode of Survivor!  You'll be a shoo in.  Sprocket 

PS:  You know why the chicken crossed the road?  Answer:  To show the armadillo that it could be done!   

Dear Mr Sprocket
My bicycle came with a set of reflectors.  While riding the other day, I lost one on my rear wheel.  Where can I get a replacement?  No one seems to carry replacement reflectors.  Lit Up

Dear Up
Take off your reflectors and you'll notice your bike rides much smoother but if you really want to replace it, call any bike nut in your town and he'll have a garage full of them...but you won't see any on his/her bike.  This is one case where being cool outweighs being safe...unfortunately in this case you can't be both.  But safety concerning reflectors is only a concern if you ride at night.  If you ride at night, the law requires lights and common sense requires reflectors.  However, there is no requirement to use them if you ride only in daylight.  If you want to be considered a serious cyclist (when you will be seen riding in daylight), leave the reflectors in a box in your garage along with the handlebar streamers and spokey dokeys.  Sprocket

Dear Mr. Sprocket
I've been in the market for a good bike but it seems the higher the quality of the bike the harder it is to find one that comes with a kickstand.  What's the story oh wise one?  Where can I find a top quality bike with this essential component?  Sincerely, Stand Alone

Dear Alone
Are you looking for a bike to ride?  Or are you looking for a bike you can park?  If you're looking for the latter, try K-Mart!  But before you go and try to find a "high quality" bike among the thousands of clunkers hanging on the ceiling of K-Mart, you should consider the following:  First, Bicycles are made to ride.  If you need a kickstand, you aren't riding the bike.  Second, if you are riding your bike, you will want it to be the most efficient machine it can be.  If you are carrying a lot of extra stuff on your bike, it will degrade your performance and thwart your enthusiasm about riding.  And lastly (and most importantly), you don't want to be the laughing stock of the local club ride when you show up with a kickstand.  They may not ridicule you out loud, but there will be mumbling just out of earshot (unless your club rides start at K-mart).  

If you get right down to it, there are lots of "essential" equipment you could have on your bike...how about a microwave oven to help prepare those on the road snacks (or road kill) you may need during a ride.  Maybe you could carry a GPS computer, a holder for your cell phone, or don't forget all your tools and a work stand attachment for those breakdowns on the road.  A machine gun for those nasty drivers might be a good addition.  Someone more clever than I could come up with millions of additions but there are only a precious few "essential" components on a bicycle...the minimum it takes to make it go or stop.  Anything else detracts from that very premise.  My advise, take the extra money you'd spend on a kickstand and spend it on a minor upgrade that will aid you when you are riding your bike, not parking it!  But, if you must carry all these extraneous parts on your bike, you should contact the guy with the reflectors and have a great ride together.  Sprocket 

Dear Mr. Sprocket
Where can I find the definitions of the hill climbs used in road races? I'd like to see what a Category 4, 3, 2, 1 and "out-of-category" climbs are like.  I think (but cannot prove) that I've done an out of category climb, and what a great ride that was!! I have had no luck searching the Web for an answer, so now I'm giving up and asking those wiser than myself.  M. Pantani

Dear MP
What a great question MP.  I've been waiting for the chance to clear this up for my admiring public for a long time.  There's no published mathematical formula to put a label on a climb, but of course those responsible for publishing the category for a climb consider the grade, the length, the altitude of the climb, and sometimes the number of people the cyclist has to run over to get to the top.  This being said, the process is mostly subjective considering all the aspects of the climb not just a single item.  I've heard that it's in the head of some French computer nerd that the secret bicycle police keep locked up to prevent the secret from getting out.  You know...probably the same guys that keep looking for drugs in the Postal team's hotel.  Anyway, word has it that it is based on the tried and true process of "Cat 3 sacrifice."  This process requires a hot shot, American Cat 3 to sprint up the climb and they rate it depending on where they find him (or her) laying on the side of the road all cramped up and barfing everything he's eaten in the last 3 days.  If he doesn't throw up until he gets to the top they rate it a cat 4.  If he makes it about a quarter from the top, it's a cat 3 climb.  Only half way will generate a cat 2 rating, and if they find him a quarter way up it's a cat 1.  The "out of category" climb is one that he just looks at, deposits his bike into a ditch, and throws up.  This method has served the Tour organizers well for the last 50 years at the expense of many a good cat 3 rider.  Hope this helps.  Sprocket

Dear Mr. Sprocket,
I am 54 years old and want to start cycling (only around the park).   How do you suggest I begin?  (I had a thorough physical examination 2 months ago and was told I'm in excellent physical condition).      New B

Dear New
Well, this depends if you want to ride around a city park or Yellowstone National Park.  I'm going to assume that you mean a city park for sake of argument.  How do you begin?  Buy, borrow, or steal yourself a bike (I would talk to a local bike shop to ascertain what type of bike to use for your type of riding).  Buy, borrow, or steal yourself a helmet (be sure to get one that's certified by a national agency).  Close your eyes and try to remember yourself as a 10 year old with your first bike...nothing's changed except your hairline and waistline.  Just throw your leg over the top tube, turn the pedals with your feet, and try not to run over any small children playing near the park!  It doesn't matter how you start...just do it!  It's just like riding a bike.  

I commend you for yearning to get out and experience the freedom of riding a bicycle and absorbing your surroundings instead of polluting them!  As you get in better cycling shape, I hope you will consider longer rides that take you beyond the confines of your "park."  Cycling is a fun and healthy sport that can offer a lifetime of enjoyment.  Just remember to follow the rules of the road and what ever you do, just have a good time.  There are many good books like "New Cyclist" from the best of Bicycling Magazine and Rodale Press that can give you lots of good info to make you a better cyclist.  Also, check out the "Cycling Links" section on this site and connect with Street Smarts which is an outstanding treatise on riding with traffic.  But for the time being...just get out and ride!!!!  Sprocket

Dear Mr Sprocket
No matter what I do I keep getting black stains on my water bottles.  I've tried cleaning the cages with everything and even waxing them to make sure they are squeaky clean.  The stains look so bad and won't wash off.  What can I do to relieve myself from this unsightly mess.  Marked for life

Dear Mark
If it really bothers you to have unsightly marks on your water bottles, become a tourist and wear a hydration pack or carry your water bottles in your jersey pockets.  Real men are proud of their bottles battle scars.  But it's not what's on the outside of your water bottles that's important!  It's what's on the inside.  Pulling out that special water bottle you won in a prime at a crit (4 years ago) and downing your favorite energy beverage from the nozzle covered with green fuzzy stuff growing there is the mark of a true hard core.  Black marks on your bottle only enhance your image and should be viewed as a badge of honor.  Or you could spring for $35 and buy stainless steel cages.  Sprocket 

Dear Mr Sprocket
We have a tradition at our local club rides to sprint to the city limit sign.  The winner is always king for a week and it really strokes one's ego to have all the accolades from peer riders.  I always seem to get dusted as I can never get "the good wheel."  What's the secret to winning these sprints...I just want to win one! Sincerely, Anchor Man

Dear Anchor
You only want to win one...yeah right!  Success brings the need to perform even greater so prepare yourself for the torture of training to stay on top when and if you ever get there.  Aside from that, if your parents last name wasn't Cipolini, you might get the Saeco team to one of your club rides.  When they get within 3 miles of the city limit sign they will begin to crank it up to somewhere around 38 MPH.  You will be ready for this since you arranged for them to be there to work for you to be competitive in the sprint.  You did say that it was  because you can "never get the good wheel" to follow so just get on Mario's wheel and follow his lead.  When he launches off the team about 200 meters from the sign at 45 MPH, just hang on until about the last 40 meters.  Then, back off his wheel about 6 feet to allow for your acceleration and zoom toward his rear wheel using his draft as long as possible.  Keep accelerating (about 48 should do it) as you swerve around him to nip him at the sign.  Those are the finer points on technique, now it's up to you to pull it off.  Believe me if you do, you will be the talk of your club...and probably for longer than just a week!  Good luck!  Sprocket

Dear Mr Sprocket
Our club is having an argument on how a cyclist should signal a right turn.  Should he use the right arm extended pointing in the direction of the turn or the left arm bent at the elbow like a car signal?  Enlighten us old wise one.  Lefty

Dear Lefty
When was the last time you saw someone in a car give a hand signal for a right turn?  That went out with the Edsel!  There were several reasons for the left arm signal for motorists.  In the early cars, one could reach the right window to signal, but it was Henry Ford who first suggested the left arm signal after he broke 3 fingers when he forgot to roll down the right window.   Later, as the cars got bigger, it was impossible to reach all the way across the car to extend the right arm; therefore, it was only logical to figure out some signal to use out the left side.  Now they could have had someone riding as a passenger  to perform their right turn signals but that was a little too inconvenient.  Plus, remembering to tell that person to perform the signal became a haphazard practice as you can imagine from present day drivers who can't even remember to flick the little lever to engage the blinking light.  However, on a bicycle, it is simpler (and less confusing to a motorist) to extend the right arm to point the direction of turn like you extend the left to signal a left turn.  A left arm bent at the elbow could be mistaken for a wave to the friendly ice cream man or UPS driver.  Also, if you are bent over the handlebars, a left arm bent at the elbow is hard to see (and perform) as you would have to rotate your arm backwards almost out of the socket to make your forearm perpendicular to the ground.  Keep it simple...point where you are going...then go there!  Sprocket

Dear Mr Sprocket
My friend and I are from the UK and will be working near Vancouver Canada this summer and want to know if you have any insight into touring around the B.C. area.  We will have about 6 weeks on our hands to see the countryside.  Any help you might have would be  greatly appreciated.  2 Lovely Ladies

Dear Ladies
Congratulations on biking in one of the most beautiful areas in the world albeit full of unique hazards.  The best advice I can give you (which ever one is reading this...you might not want to show the other lady) is to be sure to put all your food materials on top of your friend's tent at night.  But if you are "real" good friends, I'd recommend finding a third rider for the food on the tent thing.  That way, you both will stay safe or have time to escape if a bear or mountain lion happens to come into camp looking for a meal.  If the tent has a slope to the roof, you can always use duck tape to keep it from sliding off.  Also, a very important point is to make sure you and your friend can ride faster than your "expendable new friend" in case a bear happens to be hungry during the day while you are riding.  Remember, you can't out run a bear on a bike, all you have to do is be faster than at least 1 of your riding partners.  Just keep in mind when you are selecting this new friend that she may be faster than you think if a bear is chasing her.  These tips will go a long way in making your visit to Canada a successful one.  You can always find a new riding partner, just remember to get a slow one.  Sprocket

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