Dear Mr Sprocket
I just read that somewhere that simply riding a bicycle just 3 or 4 miles a day can
improve your sex life. Sprocket head, you are the one who should know the
real skinny, is there any credence to that remark? Randy
Dear Randy
I appreciate the vote of confidence, but Dr Ruth is probably more qualified to
answer that specific question. However, I will say that riding 3 miles a day is certainly better than sitting on the sofa for the
same amount of time. It probably depends more on where you are riding if
you are to improve your sex life . For instance, I'm sure a 3 mile ride to
your girlfriend's house could be more productive than say a 3 mile ride to the
bowling alley. On the other hand, if you are like me and usually ride 50
or so miles at a time, you'll have more time for sex if you only ride 3 miles a
day. Maybe that's my problem...too much riding? Thanks for bringing that up.
Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket
Thanks to your column's advice to my husband to ride only 3 miles a day to
improve his sex life, I now have a five month old daughter (he used to ride 50 or
more). Now that we are in this situation, how soon can I take her
riding with me? Would it be better to use a seat or a trailer? Any
idea where I can purchase a baby helmet? Any advice on how to get my
husband back to riding longer rides? Momma Biker, A.K.A. Randy's wife :-)
Dear MB
Ah Ha!! Proof that some people out there read my column (See letter
below)! Now I can safely say that due to a sample size of 1, riding
3 or 4 miles a day, without question, does improve your sex
life! Or, at least, you have time for sex now that you only ride short
rides! You are living proof! Uh, what was your question? Ahum,
now calm down sprocket head, control yourself and answer Momma's questions.
First, congratulations on your new arrival. Second, you've already waited almost too late. Your daughter will be kicking your butt soon enough, so you should get in as much time as you can before that happens. You should be able to ride with her as early as 6 months if you can find a helmet that will fit properly and your daughter can sit up steadily. I would use a trailer since most bicycle accidents are falls and the added weight of a child on the rear of a bike makes a bike handle differently. And the fall is farther for the child. The trailer sits lower and is more stable.
As far as the helmet, you can find them at department stores or the local bike shop. Just insure that it has an ANSI, Snell, or ASTM stamp of approval. Above all, be sure it fits properly and insist that your child wear it even when they start to ride their new tricycle. Don't get one too large so the child will grow into it. You don't want her little head rattling around in it before it gets big enough to fit into it properly. And insure it sits level on the head, not on the rear of the head. And lastly, set the example yourself. Always wear yours when you are riding with your child.
As far as your husband riding longer...enjoy him being around more while you can. You can afford a larger family. :-) Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket
What's the best multi tool on the market. My friend has a tool that he
says he can take a bike completely apart. In your vast experience I'm sure
you have a pet tool that you can recommend. Gadget Brain
Dear Gadget
Your friend may have a tool that can take a bike apart...hell, I can do that
with a chainsaw. Question is, can he put one together with it? In my
experience, the only "multi" tool that is worth investing in is Duck
Tape! Most other multi tools are nice to brag about and show to your techno geek
friends but they aren't effective when you get inside a bike frame with your big
hands and strained patience. But hey, you'll have a lot of neat things that
won't work. Stick with individual tools that are made especially for the
task you want to perform. You may not be able to adjust your derailleur,
start a fire, signal for help, open a Champaign bottle, and decode a secret
message with the same tool, but you will have fewer scraped knuckles, stripped
treads, and nervous breakdowns when you need to work on your bike. Aside
from that, the one tool that will get you out of most situations is a cell
phone. But even that requires someone on the other end who will answer and
who will be willing to come pick you up. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
No matter what I do I always come home with a grease mark on my calf...the
dreaded "chainring tattoo." There's got to be a way to prevent
this...what can I do to prevent this embarrassing situation? Marked for life
Dear Marked,
This is a problem that has plagued novice cyclists for centuries. I have studied
this problem in great depth and have three suggestions: 1. Have you ever heard
of cleaning your drivetrain? If you keep the chain clean, it won't leave a mark!
Duh! 2. Quit putting your leg against the chainring!!!! This one will work every
time. 3. Resign yourself to be ridiculed forever as a Fred (Clueless beginner).
These are all viable options but if you opt for the third, invest in a good
grease remover or cover your calf with duck tape. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
I have a bet with my boyfriend. Can you settle our argument? Why are bike shorts
black? I say it's because black goes with any color jersey, but my boyfriend
says it's to hide the grease that cyclists invariably get on their shorts. Help
us here. Fashion Statement
Dear FS,
You both have logical reasons for bike shorts to be black, but I'm afraid you
are both off base on this one. It's a little known fact that the real reason is
so that when a cyclist isn't wearing his helmet, even the most casual observer
can tell him/her from a tennis player (who traditionally wears white). It became
apparent one day when a well known rider, Cy K. List, was standing near a local
tennis court chugging away at his favorite sports beverage when someone asked him
if he was into "mixed doubles." This shook him up so badly that he
invented the black lycra shorts that we wear today. Some say his invention set
back cycling at least 40 years since no "macho man" in his right mind
would be caught dead in a pair of skintight shorts. This problem was finally
solved when some thoughtful cyclist discovered that if he put a "chainring
tattoo" on on his calf he'd never be mistaken for an athlete let alone a
tennis player. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
I've raced all across the country in my youth and want to continue being
competitive. What's the secret to cycling past 50? Speed Demon
Dear Demon,
First, you need a BIG hill! Second, you need to be able to pedal really fast!
Third, you need a set of big Kahoonas. And lastly, you need a will (I'd be happy
to inherit your unused cycling equipment). Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
Why do cyclists shave their legs? Aerodynamics can’t be affected that much,
can it? Harry
Dear Harry
Good question Harry. Even though shaved legs give a 0.03345 second advantage in
a 40k time trial, there’s more than aerodynamics involved here. Hairless gams
are much easier to massage and it feels better without all that hair scraping
you while you are getting one. Also, clean legs are less prone to lose epidermis
during a slide down the tarmac. Most importantly, if you do lose hide, it’s
easier to clean, treat, and heal. All this having been said, the most obvious
reason is that it is just plain cool. You'll be admired as an elite
athlete/cyclist at club rides and when you are strolling around town checking
out sports stores (unless of course you have razor cuts or the dreaded chainring
tattoo on your calf). A word of caution, just make sure the shower room is empty
when you shower at the local gym if you live in the south. But keep in mind, you don’t have to be a
cyclist to shave your legs. My wife and daughters are not cyclists and they
shave theirs all the time. Maybe a better question is, why don’t European
women shave theirs? Guess they've never heard of duck tape. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
When I ride my nose just runs and runs. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can
hardly breathe. I seem to always forget my hankie and I don't want to use my
sleeve. What can I do? Sniffles
Dear Sniff,
It's really irritating when your nose runs when you get to riding hard. It makes
it almost impossible to get the needed oxygen into your lungs without breathing
through your mouth. This could cause all kinds of problems if a bumble bee flew
down your throat while you were gasping for breath! The technique I use to clear
my nose is to launch a "snot rocket." Turn your head toward the left
while pressing your index finger against the right side of your nose closing
that air passage. Then forcedly exhale out the left side of your nose which
would launch the offending snot and buggers around your left shoulder. Repeat
the process using the other nostril (don't forget to turn your head to the right
for this one!). Viola!!! Clean air passages. Other riders will recognize you as
a highly experienced outdoorsman if you use this method successfully, but unless
it's an emergency, never do this when riders are behind you. The only thing I
can think of that's more irritating than snot in your nose is snot in your face.
Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
I have a tear in the side of my tire. It's like new, except for the tear, and I
hate to scrap it. Is there a way to keep it on the road long enough to get my
money's worth of use out of it? Cheapskate
Dear Cheap,
I too hate to keep pouring money into equipment just to have it fail before it
wears out. Yes, there is a way to salvage some use out of your tire but it also
requires you to put good money to use. How much are you willing to spend? A
dollar bill sometimes works well as a tire boot. Fold it about 4 or 5 times
before placing it inside the tire over the cut. Now there's an old saying, you
get what you pay for. If the dollar bill doesn't work, try a twenty. You'll have
the satisfaction of knowing you didn't settle for just a "cheap" fix
to your problem. There are other great "boots" out there. Before you
take your tire apart, sit down and have a nourishing Power Bar. Then use the
wrapper (again, folding it 5 or so times) for a boot. If all else fails...you'll
never go wrong with duck tape. Sprocket
Hey Sprocket head,
All my friends ride bikes but I can't seem to get into it because that sliver of
a saddle hurts my butt and I want to have children someday. Do those fat,
squishy jell covers work? B. Hind
Dear B,
You've described a problem that plagues most beginning cyclists...actually, it
plagues all cyclists. It's just that the serious riders don't let on that they
are hurting as much as you. That's the beauty of cycling and the sign that you
have become a "real" cyclist...when you have the ability to endure the
pain and
not show it! Generally, the narrower and the harder the better for saddles.
Those soft, squishy jell covers only put pressure on other tender parts and it
don't matter how soft the saddle is, if you sit on it long enough it will hurt.
But generally, if a saddle hurts, you probably don't have it adjusted right. Keep fiddling with
the tilt, the fore and aft position and especially the seat height. You should
strive for a saddle position that's almost level from tip to rear and a fore/aft
position that puts your forward kneecap directly over the end of your crankarm
when the pedals are horizontal. If you are rocking your hips when you pedal, you
probably have the seat too high and that hurts anybody. If you have these 3
positions correct it will allow you to sit on your sit bones instead of the area
that may affect your offspring someday. Hey, children are hereditary...if your
kids parents don't have children, your grandkid's parents won't either. Think
about it. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket
I need your expertise to settle an argument between me and my girlfriend. She
wants to spend $10 on a bike lube but I say just use motor oil to lube your
chain. Why spend all that money on something like that when something cheap will
work just as well? Would you tell hear she's all rusty on this one? Sincerely,
Slick
Dear Slick
Sometimes we need to listen to our significant other...especially when they are
right. Lubes that are made especially for bicycles are better suited to lube and
not collect dirt. Use motor oil for what it is made for...the internal
combustion engine of your car. If you put motor oil or 3in1 oil on your chain it
will collect all kinds of debris that will just muck up your drivetrain. I
recommend a good thin coat of Tri Flow or Finish Line the night before a ride
and let it sit over night. Then wipe off the chain with a rag after the ride to
keep it clean for the next excursion. White Lightning (not from grandpa's still)
is also a great lube. It's a wax that will flake off dirt as you ride. But a
word of caution is needed for White Lightning...you need to wipe it off after
every ride too or all the flakes collect on your cogs and derailleur pulleys.
Believe me it makes a worse mess than motor oil. The bottom line is, I like the
way your girlfriend thinks. Does she have a sister? Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket
When I ride I'm always coming to little "mom and pop" grocery stores
on our route. They always have a vast assortment of candy, fruit, pastries, etc.
What are the best products that I can purchase to boost my energy to finish a
long ride? Junk Food Junkie
Dear Junkie
Here in the south sometimes we need to go beyond the four major food
groups...salt, fat, grease, and alcohol. Resist the urge to buy everything on
the shelf just because you are craving some sugar for energy. The best carbo to
fat products you can buy (while still maintaining your status as one who is
concerned about eating right) are Twinkies and Yoo hoo. Quick energy at a low
price and it tastes great too. I know many of my critics will say stick with
bananas and fig bars...and you've probably heard that too but are sick of eating
a squishy yellow fruit and getting those little fig pits stuck in your teeth.
Well, I'm with you. You can't go wrong with Twinkies and Yoo hoo. Also, if you are
just needing some quick energy and don't have too much farther to ride, drink a
Mountain Dew...shake it up first to get rid of the fizz, then kill it. Get on
your bike fast cause when that energy kicks in you want to be able to use it.
When it runs out, you'd better be home. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket
I eat bananas all the time when I'm riding. I love them and don't want to change
my eating habits, but I have trouble peeling them when I'm on the bike. What can
I do? Perplexed
Dear Plexed
You obviously try to peel your bananas from the stem...there's a better way. On
this question, I'll refer you to one of our ancient ancestors...ask any monkey
and he would say you should hold the banana by the stem end and peel it from the
bottom (I've even seen them doing this while riding a bike). It's easier to
break into and you can do it with your teeth while riding. You'll never see a
monkey peel a banana from the stem end...and you'd think they'd know how to do
it best since they've been doing it for years and they are smarter than we are
anyway. Try it...believe me, it tastes the same and you will be considered an
expert on one of the finer points of cycling trivia...or a nut case who just
fell out of a tree and bonked your head. Either way it will make for excellent
conversation at the next bike club meeting or the next time you go to the zoo.
But which ever end you peel it from, be sure to throw the used peel in the ditch
(it's recyclable) instead of on the road. The next unsuspecting cyclist that
comes along may not appreciate it if he has to "peel" himself off the
pavement because he hit your discarded banana skin. Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
What’s the difference in a road bike and a mountain bike? Biker Wannabe
Dear Wannabe,
What kind of question is that? That’s so basic that I don’t know why I’m
wasting my time explaining it to you. When I took this position, I thought
"real bikers" were going to ask some "real" questions. Oh
well, the main difference is that mountain bikes usually have smaller wheels
with little bumps on them and are generally covered with mud. The mud usually
comes after your purchase which makes it harder to tell the difference when you
are in the store trying to buy a bike...no mud to differentiate. You’ll have
to rely on the small tire identification method. Also, you won’t see road
bikes on single track; however, you may see a mt bike on the road. Something
about liking to hear the buzz of knobby tires on pavement I guess. Mr Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket
What’s the best heat coefficient to prevent crystallization and what’s the
best curing humidity for bonding carbon fiber to titanium? Bond, James Bond
Dear Bond,
Agggggggggggh! What do you think I am a metallurgist? You can’t go wrong with
Duck Tape! Mr Sprocket
Dear Mr Sprocket,
I ride pretty well on the flats, but when it comes to climbing I really suck. I
can never figure out what gear to use. What can I do? Flatlander
Dear flat,
This is a problem that faces most cyclists unless you have legs like Lance. The
best advice I can give you is the steeper the climb, the closer the chain should
be to your frame. Try to maintain a high cadence…around 80 rpms when climbing
(I’m most efficient at 85.374 rpms). If your legs are dying, you’re in too
big a gear…if you are bouncing on the saddle, you are in too small a gear or
you are really going downhill and you need to practice your spin. If you are
climbing in
your lowest gear and you are still dying, you were probably right in the first
place, you're like me, you just suck. Mr Sprocket
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